In My Absence

In my absence from the xanga blogging world I have:

Gone To Prom:

Turned 16:

GONE TO ITALY (OMG!!):

Finished 11th grade!!!!

among other cool things.





What Have You Done This Year?

I haven't blogged in months

I havent acctually sat down and written something in months. I left Xanga because of all the drama, I can't even remember what kind of drama there was on here, but it pissed me off and i left.

I'm back though. At least for now. Because right now i need this little empty weblog box that I'm going to fill up with a bunch of drama.

I met him late december, and we didnt start talking till his birthday sometime in January. He then went through a messy a break up, and I was there for him. I think it brought us closer because after that, we spent a lot of time together. He moved on and rapidly rebounded. I still saw him as a very good friend.

Then little things began to happen, the group we were with would dissolve and it'd be just us two, I'd watch the stars and we'll end up talking, really talking.

He started constantly taking the seat closest to mine, and sitting shoulder to shoulder every chance he got.

He claims that he likes pulling girls' hair, but so far.. he's only pulled mine.

Now see, I don't understand if this could mean anything, or if this is just me overreacting. I like seeing him smile, I like joking around with him. I think I just like him all around.

It's quite confusing for reasons I refuse to disclose on this blog. Or anywhere for the matter. But, *sigh* what am I going to do when I have to leave in July?

I'm not gonna see him again after that, then what? :/

I can't take this anywhere, which i would have wanted to, and may have, if I was staying. But I'm not.

Damn.

I'm not at school yet

Crazy huh? 

My school doesnt start till this Saturday, Oct 2nd. :)
I am going to be a JUNIOR and I'm EXCITED!
Something about new notebooks & stationary makes me so happy.

I've registered for the Oct 9th SAT, naturally I'm freaking out because it's about one week away & I feel unprepared .. although I am. I've worked my behind off this summer, so I'm sure I'll be alright.  

I dont have a lot to say.

It's funny how when life works itself out, you lose the drive. Or at least I do. 

I will (hopefully) be blogging about my first day & how that all goes down both on here & tumblr. 

Thanks for hanging in there and coming here every now and then :) I heart you.

Ok now, a debate:

I'm aiming for a really high score on that SAT ok? So if I do reach it, I'd like a nice lil something (*hint*) from my parents.. because I do deserve it. Anyways, so I wanted an iPad because I figured.. HELL YEAH! & Then again I wanted a Nikon D90 DSLR :) because.. (again) HELLYEAHHH! So which should I pick? Haha I havent even told them that I want something yet; I'm scheming first. So yup, help. Which to pick. And also, if ya'll are in the know about iPads.. you know that camera connection kit thing? the part that allows you to connect stuff by USB to your iPad? OK that thingy.. do you think if i plugged in a regular webcam (like the little ones that clip onto your laptop if it doesnt have a built in cam) it would work? I've used Windows my whole life , so I've no idea how these things work. I'd like it to work though, because then I can possibly Skype people anywhere I have wifi. It's disappointing that the iPad doesnt have two cams like the Black Berry Playbook. :( I like Apple products more than RIM but the two cams thing is a huuuge bonus. 

x

I <3 you

I Feel Nothing

I feel nothing.
I expected to feel at least something, but I dont.
I don't feel sad about leaving Cairo, I don't miss it.
I don't miss Jeddah either, and I'm not elated at being back here.
I thought my heart would swell with joy when I saw the compound.. again, it didn't.
I thought, stepping out of the large GMC that picked us up from the airport, here we go! I'm home.
It didn't feel like it.
It still doesn't.
It doesn't feel like anything.
I just rode a plane and jetted across the Red Sea and I don't feel like a single thing.
I understand that that last sentence sounds nuts; people who ride planes don't feel anything..
I meant that I am in no way emotional.
It's scaring me.
I walked all over the compound with Ayah; we started talking about 'old times, and other than severe longing to those times, I didn't feel a thing.
She's one of my best friends. Seeing her after so long should make me feel something, yet it just feels normal.
So normal, I'm not excited.
I still don't feel a thing.
I'm now home alone mulling these thoughts in my head and I can't feel anything but a strong urge to head to bed.
Indifference.
I think I've now realised that absolutely nothing in my life is definate, or long lasting.
There will come a day when I will leave this place, and maybe even leave Cairo.
I've been given a wake up call, and I know fine well I cannot call Jeddah HOME. But somewhere deep inside I know I still can't call Cairo home either. My heart is homeless.
My heart is homeless
It feels so strange. Oh look, a feeling.
So I feel strange, and indifferent.
This isn't poetry, this is a chain of thoughts that I keep pressing ENTER in between.
I don't know what to make of today.
I still don't feel anything.

FUNNY STORY:
Today our flight was delayed a few minutes on the runway because we were 6th in line to take off. I was beginning to fall asleep when I woke up because the captain's voice scared me, and because I needed to pee (oh ofcourse. don't tell me you've forgotten how often I need to pee.. I've spoken about this endlessly). I get up, and the flight attendant says I need to make it quick because we're about to take off. I say that I will and I get myself in the toilet. I do my business and I'm, um, adjusting my clothes when I hear a strong knock on the door saying we're taking off. Well, what the heck am I supposed to do about it... -.- I'm buttoning my pants lady! I can feel the plane move and lift off, by now I'm dressed duh!, and I think like.. there is no way I am attempting to walk back to my seat. The lady knocks again letting me know we're taking off, and we're above ground.. the fastest thing I can think of was ''Well I guess I'll remain seated here then!!"  This made perfect sense to me when I said it.. And now I'm starting to get the gravity of the situation. Oh man..
She giggled, and as soon as the plane was steady, I got out and back to my seat. Mom was laughing her behind off. :|

Oh I've been inspired by a post by http://breaking-expectations.xanga.com/ on the contents of here purse and I'll be doing one about the strange contents of my travel purse. Let me tell you, I carry a lot of useless crap in my travel purses. :)

'Cause I'm leaving on a jetplane!

I've suddenly remembered that lyric. I believe it was the first song I learned to play on the guitar too. :3 That brings back a lot of memories.

I need to start packing. I've accumelated a lot of crap over the last 2 and a half months of being here, and I need to figure out how everything fits back into my suitcase.

I also need to figure out what goes in my travel handbag. I don't carry my own passport, mom does. Then dad takes it and puts all of our passports in his ever-present brief case. It isn't brief at all! He stuffs everything in there!!

I'd like to Skype Deanna sometime tonight, but Im not sure I'll have the time. She was busy celebrating Eid with her family the last couple of days, and since Eid is over... she'll probably come online sometime, but I NEED TO PACK.

Oh my aunt knitted me a sweater. epic fail.
I love it .. and I shall never wear it in public . EVER! :]

x

Wish me a safe trip? :)